like forever

I don't know what to blog about this week. I think I have a lot on my mind. Or nothing.

I'm starting to get sentimental about graduating. I can't believe 4.5 years ago I thought that 5 years was temporary. Now I know better than to think more than 3 days in advance, or dream more than a year away. Back then, we were used to 4 year plans, class schedules and sports schedules (well... maybe not sports) that were set in stone and reliable. Even in architecture, they had a 5 year track laid out (suggested) for us. We knew that if we took those classes in that order we would graduate in May of 2012. -- Isn't that odd, by the way? To think that we, who can not definitively say when we will go to bed at night, think we can decide our futures? Really, this whole CRP class exists because in the past intelligent men and women solved wicked problems the best way they knew how and were wrong. Now we have to fix it. -- I digress.

When I left for New York, my Young Life area director (aka Phil/one of the wisest and most ADD men I know) gave me the best advice I got: Live there like you're going to live there forever. He was speaking from experience of being called to Kansas City, MO for a 2 year stint and staying 14 years. Because we don't control our lives as much as we like to think. I took his advice (like I take all of his advice) and lived in NY like I intended to stay.

It was incredible, and in seven months I became so richly rooted in the community I found in NY and the rhythm of the city, that I could stay there for life (as soon as they start working shorter hours). Upon returning to Austin, I regretted not living with the same mindset here. Yes, I've made lifelong friends and yes I have volunteered more than I have studied, but I didn't take the time to get to know Austin as a city. I hardly go to the park or Barton Springs; I have just started spending time on the east side this year; I don't know my neighbors' names or even the baristas' names at Medici for goodness sakes; I never took the step to officially join my church even though I have gone since practically the first Sunday of freshman year; I never mowed, watered or weeded any lawn I have ever lived on in the last 3 years. In my head, I was just passing through, using Austin for it's school and friendships and vibrancy and taking what I wanted when I graduated.

I think that might be how a lot of us feel? Because I feel like if I were going to live like this is forever, I would know about the city's efforts to improve itself; I would know the stories of the people I order coffee from; I would care about the town meetings and bike lanes and traffic, and I am starting to. As graduation draws nearer -- and I inconveniently find more and more that I love being with new friends who are permanently (for now) in Austin, and I assess what type of lifestyle I want, and I hear of local firms that sound great -- I think more seriously about staying. Of course, whether or not I stay here until I'm 25 or 80, I will try to live here like I'm going to live here forever. Go big or go home.